Air guitar, air drums, air hockey, air dancing, air twirling, air bending, air sex, air breathing, air…wait…what was that? Oh yeah, air sex. While elaboration seems necessary for verification purposes, it essentially is exactly how it sounds. Here’s some details anyways though. Believe it or not there is a forum available to those who are naturally blessed with gyrating hips and no comprehension of the word “shy.”
In 2009, the nationwide tour hit cities all over America and crowned the first ever air sex champion. Air Sex is coming to Austin and the Alamo Drafthouse Ritz! Oh yes. Think you have what it takes? Alright well here’s the nitty gritty. Participants select a segment of music, wear whatever they like (as long as they are wearing SOMETHING this is Texas ya’ll), and make sweet love to an imaginary partner on stage at the Alamo Drafthouse. Giggle. Your performance’s direction though, is left entirely up to you. Show them your sweet move that you invented on Spring Break 1998 or reenact the vodka induced dance that seduced your current squeeze. Alternatively you could show them evenings that went horribly awry. Some things you just have to ask permission for sir! Anyways…
If you’re interested in participating here are some rules:
1. You must be wearing something. Since the Alamo serves alcohol there’s no nakedness allowed. Besides, it’s funnier and more original if you’re wearing your corduroy jorts and suspenders or your Where the Wild Things Are costume. Not everyday you get to see that bump and wiggle.
2. Since the Alamo serves food you have to keep some things to yourself. Too vague? Ok, all big O’s have to be fake. It’s kinda the law. So there’s that.
3. You have two minutes! Props, teams, talking, singing, dancing etc. are allowed but remember, you’re aiming for believability. You have to bring your own music too. Teddy Pendergrass anyone?
3. The show is 18+. Kids six and older must be accompanied by a guardian. Kids six and under will not be admitted. They still think missionary is the guy at church on Sunday let’s keep it that way for a bit longer.
Showtimes:
Don’t be shy and don’t be scared. Just get up in that attic and dig around for your old cheerleader outfit or your sparkly skivvies. Taking advantage of the Alamo’s drink specials and the skills you learned in the pole dancing class that your friend made you do for her bachelorette party may work to your advantage too. Just saying.
