Choose Your Own Super Adventure

[This blog is a "choose your own adventure" and thus your decisions play an important part in its unfolding. Proceed at your own peril!]

It’s a cool autumn evening and you’re walking away from the Chi’Lantro truck on Fifth and Colorado, with a kimchi fry burrito absorbing into your system. Your friends decided to stay on Dirty Sixth despite your pleas to journey elsewhere, and your plans are suddenly cleared. You throw your trash away and are considering the passing Pubcrawler when a light flashes across the sky and seems to descend in the alley behind Frank. While initially curious, your experience with alien probes last month gives you pause. Your friends text you that they’re going to Brew Exchange, and your conflict mounts.

>Investigate the mystery– go to 4
>Go back to your friends– go to 10

 

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1

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You have always loved playing the field, so you set out to find the right mate. Walking toward 4th Street, you notice a mass of people walking past Colorado (including several attractive options). You loiter behind them, and realize they’re all going into Haven for some kind of event. They’re thinking about CASA, which you come to deduce stands for Court-Appointed Special Advocates. Others are thinking about the kids that CASA helps in court, while others are pondering how much to tip their pedicabber. All the hotties are going into Haven, so you pay the suggested $5 donation and dance to the DJ’s all night (but really from 9-11:30). DJ Blitz is on the decks, with the Super Band rounding things out. You have such a good time and meet allllllll the lookers.

THE END

 

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2

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The last time you turned down a troll, they had to blur your face out of the Jersey Shore. You accept Herbert’s duel, with one reservation: “You’re not from Oklahoma are you?” The troll denies such an allegation, and the test begins…

Forty-six minutes later, you are clad in spandex and avoiding cherry tomatoes that Herbert is throwing at you. After catching 100 in your mouth, Herbert throws the carton down. “Egads! Your mouth is of superior build! You have not completed your test, though, as one riddle remains:

“My home has no bounds though it is arguable round. Where do I live?”

>Circle West Campus
>Under the 360 Bridge– go to 5

 

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3

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The last time you ignored a potential problem, you earned the nickname Harry Goldfarb, so you fly over to 4th and Colorado. You see signs reading CASA, but you also know downtown is not a Spanish-language community. Getting closer to the throng, you notice that there is no danger. In fact, everybody is having a great time and heading into Haven. Some people noticed your airborne entrance, but promptly forgot due to inebriation. You want to go in, but don’t have much money left over after Herbert made you buy him flowers. As you get further in the line, though, you notice that the cover people are paying is in fact a suggested donation of $5. “Who are you donating to?” you ask the bouncer. “You really should avoid ending your sentences with preposition,” he starts, ” but it goes to CASA, or the Court-Appointed Special Advocates. They’re volunteers for kids in the court system who don’t have anybody else to stand for them. You coming in or what? I saw you fly over, and this is the Superhero Bash, seems to be a fairly straightforward narrative.” And it was, as you entered Haven on October 5th between 9 and 11:30 and had the time of your life dancing to the Super Band and DJ Blitz.

THE END

 

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4

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Thinking about it more, you realize you can’t pass up a good mystery. You make your way past Maria Maria and Frank, and cut through the adjacent parking lot into the alley. The clamour has scared off the most sensible drunkards, though some remain in the shadows making out. There is smoke coming out of a pile of refuse, but you realize it’s merely a homeless man smoking a Swisher Sweet. Upon closer examination though, you see that he is sharing it with what looks like a small Oompa Loompa. “Be careful, friend,” you warn the hobo, “You seem to be allowing that goblin to bogart your cigarello.”

“GOBLIN?” the goblin roars. “I am no goblin, fella. I am Herbert the Handsome, of the house Snooki. I am a highland troll, and your confusion insults me. Do you wish to duel?” You pull out your pepper spray, and Herbert laughs. “Not a duel of might, but of wit! Do you accept?”

>Accept the troll’s duel of wits– go to 2
>Deny Herbert and return to your friends– go to 10

 

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5

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“My my, I have underestimated you,” Herbert declares. I would totally give you some sort of monetary compensation, but I just spent all my dough at Perry’s last week. Have you had there pork chops? Have you ever tried anything so good? Pork products aside, I suppose I’ll grant you a superpower of some sort. Do you have any preference?

>Flying– go to 7
>Mind reading– go to 8

 

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6

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You really have low self-esteem, so you decide to decide to draw attention to yourself and show off your new power. You approach a group on the street and get them to test you. You correctly guess which hand their quarter is in, and which celebrity they are thinking of. Within minutes, the Warehouse District has come to a halt, with you in the spotlight. You are really basking in your new fame, but suddenly a man approaches you and stares you down. He is thinking about how your distraction has slowed down business at Haven, where a fundraiser for CASA is supposed to be taking place. Your stealing the spotlight has drastically cut down the number of suggested $5 donations for their event, and he encourages you to take your business and new followers inside to benefit the children who need advocates in court. Morality asides, there’s also DJ’s (including DJ Blitz) and the Super Band from 9 til 11:30. So you make your way inside and change from villain into hero and everybody prospers.

THE END

 

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7

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You’ve always liked getting high, so you go for flying. Herbert conjured his troll powers, a process so intricate that WordPress can’t handle its description. But you gained the ability of flight! Over a hundred years ago, the Wright Brothers slaved for such an ability, and you got it in less than an hour doing meaningless tasks for a troll. Congrats! With a clap of his hands, Herbert disappeared, leaving you alone with the dazed vagrant. Austin’s nightlife is just getting started, and you don’t have to pay for a taxi again in your life. You take to the sky, the central Texas breeze ebbing past. You notice a throng of people in the Warehouse district, and from this far up you realize there could be danger afoot.

>Look into the commotion in the Warehouse District– go to 3
>Fly back to your friends– go to 10

 

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8

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Having looked up to Mel Gibson for some time, you decide on mind reading. Herbert places his little troll hands on your face and with sudden clarity you can listen into the mind of the nearby homeless man. He is mentally reciting the lyrics to “Call Your Girlfriend” by Robyn. Herbert pulls you close, but knows he doesn’t need to speak: Use your new powers wisely, he advises. And with a clap of his hands, he disappears. “It won’t make sense right now, but you’re still her friend…” The hobo thinks. You set out to test your powers further, but the opportunities are near-limitless. You boil it down to two options:

>Try to woo the opposite sex– go to 1
>Game peoples’ minds to garner attention– go to 6

 

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9

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You decide on not being a bore, and set out for Haven. As you approach, you hear hip DJ’s and a raucous crowd. It turns out to be a benefit for CASA, which you know are the court-appointed special advocates for defenseless children in the court system. The $5 suggested donation doesn’t hurt your wallet as you enter and meet up with your friends. The Super Band and DJ Blitz sets the mood as the drinks are poured. Your friends are a bit schnokered, but everybody ends up having a super time.

THE END

 

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10

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You have had enough for the night, and decide to find your friends. You send them a text, and it turns out they left Sixth and relocated to the Warehouse District. In fact, they’re at Haven for some kind event. It’s been a weird night, anyway, so turning in early crosses your mind.

>Find your friends– go to 9
>Go home

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@Do512_Ross

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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